By Matt Eckert

Area Man's Website Announcements "Getting Annoying"

Last Wednesday, in the heat of the moment, friend and colleague Mark Heller decided he had had it with "comedy" writer Matt Eckert's constant emailing to promote his website "bits" and asked to be "taken off your distro list." Mark was not alone. "I mean, I understand that the guy wants to promote his humor or whatever, but it's getting a little old. I mean, every day I've got like nine emails from the guy telling me to check out his new article -I don't have that kind of time on my hands. I mean, if they were somewhat funny, I might give them a chance, but after reading ten or twelve pieces on how people get drunk or about Billy Crystal's hairy ball sack, it just gets dull. I mean, he's my friend and all, but c'mon." Said long time friend Matt Owen.

"Dude, it's a form of spamming. I don't send him links to the insurance company I work for do I? Just because I'm his bud, doesn't mean I have to read his shit. Plus, c'mon, it's like reading the Onion only not funny. It's getting old, look in my in box, you see that? I have twenty emails from the guy for nine different website articles. Does he really expect me to read them all?" Said Keith Anderton of Oklahoma City. "Now, he wants to have a bit on the website I'm creating. How the hell do you tell someone they aren't funny? It's like telling someone they're ugly or something. I'm sure he's good at something, but this ain't it."

Ex-girlfriend Kirsten Rose agreed "Um, yeah, I used to have to kinda act like they were funny, but it's not like we're going out anymore, I think I have the right to ask him to quit emailing me this junk. Christ, the other day he attempted poetry, it's like: Matt, nothing rhymes with Orange and borange is not a word. I can understand him wanting a hobby and all, but maybe model airplanes are more up his alley."

But, there are some who favor Matt's work and appreciate the emails, like mother Irene Eckert. "Oh, my I just love the articles, I show them to all my friends at work, it's so wonderful that he's doing something with this great talent. I really don't "get" them, but by god, that boy can write."

But, not all in the family agree. Little sister Liz Eckert explains "Beginning every sentence of dialogue with "Yes" gets old after awhile, maybe he picked it up from the Simpsons, but it doesn't really work with his stuff. It's like the same joke over and over again. It's either about some insane situation that goes nowhere, or it's some news story that seems to miss every possible joke. It's like I read it and think, oh I know where he's going with this; that would be funny. But, when I get to the punchline, it's nothing like what you'd expect - and not in a good way.

I've talked to other family members and they agree, it's like everyone is funnier than he is. If he could just send us his stuff and let us insert the joke, he might have a chance at being mediocre."

Aunt, Margo Sajak of Chicago, Illinois blames herself. "I made the mistake of telling him he was funny once. I don't know what else to say...I didn't mean for him to...to...ruin so many lives with this....I'm so sorry."

"Endlessly running dialogue about the same initial punchline just isn't funny. Like those articles where he writes a phony news story about an "Area Person" (by the way he ripped that out of the Onion) and having one theme based joke that is constantly clubbed over the reader's head paragraph after paragraph is no way to get a laugh. Crap, here we go again, more email. Christ, it never ends." Longtime friend Scott McCarron sighed as he deleted another round of Matt Eckert website promotions.

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