By Matt Eckert

From Around the Net

LL Bean Writer Gone Mad

Our signature Polo shirts are pique-knit from breathable, two-ply combed-cotton yarns. They are perfect for wearing out on the town and for beating elderly people. Garment-washed to a soft texture that needs no break in, speaking of breaking in, I broke into my ex-girlfriend's house yesterday and stole her panties. It was wild. She's such a tramp. Covered neck seam is comfortable against the skin, like a ski mask that you use to rob a convenience store. But, you're just driving the car, it's not like you did anything. It's not like you pulled the trigger and killed four. Should the driver really be sentenced to 20 years in jail while his ex-girlfriend is out with Fred the marketing manager? Natural stretch of the knit fabric give you room to - wait, this really sucks, I mean, I have a habit, I've admitted it, it's the only reason I had to help rob that store. How am I going to tell my boss? Straight hem with notched side vents designed to hold me for 20 years while I'm raped by men and beat up for looking in the wrong direction! Banded Sleeveless and Short-Sleeve; Long-Sleeve cuffs have spandex for shape retention. Imported. Machine wash and dry for 20 years because you don't know how to cook and the weight room scares you. Short-Sleeve and Long-Sleeve colors: Butter. Vintage Red. Blood Red. Anger Black. Jealousy Green. Rainbow Insane. Sizes: Misses' XS 4, S 6-8, M10-12, L 20 to 40 years.

Review of Chunky Chocolate Cream Cookies

RE: Bettycrocker.com

First of all I'm fucking puking right now. I've got a bucket next to me marked Chum and every so often I have to fill it. You dirty bastards completely ruined my kids ninth birthday. I figured I could trust a woman like Betty fucking Crocker, but this is insane. I guess I kinda wondered when you had me put nine Liberty Ring mushrooms in, but I figured the recipe would cook out any toxins. By the time I put in two tablespoons of pure white gold cocaine, I was getting worried. But, it was Betty Crocker my wife said. Fuck you Betty Crocker, you slut! Now, I got nine kids running around like little Jim Morrisons claiming devine power, my wife is coked up to the gills cleaning everything in site, my teen age son is selling Chunky Chocolate Cream Cookies down the street to Junior High kids, I'm sick as a dog; puking and watching the computer keys get 3D on me. What kinda fucking web site recipe drug show is this? You bastards!

TechClient Job Search

Hello, Robert, here are your TechClient results for 06/06/02

Company: Applet Computers [ jobs ]
Industry: Hardware/Software
Address: Santa Clara Valley, CA
Job Title: Technical Writer
Employment: Full-time
Salary Range: Salary is open
Posted: 6/4/2002
Description Must have nine years of computer tech writing skills, a diploma in computer hardware and related specs, must work well with others, must have current server language skills in addressing key issues such as the molecular structure of a bear claw. Must be willing to meet deadlines before they are even set, must....let's face it, you're not going to get this job. You see we must send these emails out in order to fill our government regulated standards concerning filling positions that we know no longer are useful to our company. You see, you're YOU. YOU are probably eating Doritoes, on your fifth beer, and it's probably not even noon. We know your type. You simply send resumes out to recruitment offices thinking for some reason you're going to win the job lottery. Well, you're not. We don't like your kind. Sure, back in the 90's your kind thrived like wildfire and created the uber amount of Dot Coms out there. Well, just look what your lazy asses did for the economy. Munching donuts and making obscure references to comic books like a couple of throwbacks from the movie Clerks is going to get you no where in this new world where the head pigs have the leash. We're back into the Bush years and your cynical Gen Xer attitudes are dinosaurs in this brave new world. Good fucking luck, all the best.

Applet Computers

Archives

Send this article to a friend!

Discuss this on the Levi Larrington message board.

All rights not expressly granted to others are reserved to Monkey Spit. This product is made by hand. As such, certain irregularities may occur. These irregularities do not in any way diminish the product, and are in fact desirable as evidence of the handmade nature of the product. This product is meant for educational purposes only. No other warranty expressed or implied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Not valid in Minnesota, Vermont, Louisiana or Delaware. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. We are also not responsible for the current political situation, daytime television talk shows, the heartbreak of psoriasis or that Urkel kid. As a matter of fact, we are not responsible for much; we¹re pretty irresponsible any way you look at it...but we¹re cheerful, so people put up with us. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles, but an incredible simulation. Don¹t try this at home; these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Falling rock. Kilroy was here. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Out to lunch. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typographical errors. No returns unless defective. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Some equipment shown is optional. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Under penalty of law, this tag not to be removed except by consumer. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No dogs or actors allowed. First pull up, then pull down. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Your mileage may vary. This supersedes all previous and subsequent notices unless indicated otherwise. All rights reserved.