By Matt Eckert

I've Decided my New Year Begins February 17

Dear Peter,

I understand you had a great party New Year's Eve. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but, you see my New Year begins on February 17 of each year.

What's that you say? MY New Year?

Yes, you heard right! You see, I decided last February 17 that why should I conform to the calendar of my Christian oppressors? Why should I wear the shackles and chains of January first?

Do I decide when to take a shower each day? Do I decide when I eat breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?

Damn straight.

So, why should I let someone else decide when to I begin my New Year?

Also, I would like to let you know now that I will be ignoring Leap Year, this year and the next indefinitely.

Daily Savings? Out.

Christmas? November 28th.

My Birthday? July 29th. And I am now 26, as I've decided to put my birth date in 1976.

So, again, I would like to apologize for any inconvenience my absence has caused you and look forward to having you over on the 17th for a Happy New Year!

Yours truly,
George Bush

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