By Matt Eckert

Job Opportunity

Date Posted: 8/21/2002      Closing Date: 9/08/2002

Position Title: Application Development Manager
 Full Time  Part Time

Department: Information Systems

Reporting To: Service Assistant   Service Clerk  

Salary

Location (City / State): Issaquah, WA

Description of position

This position is responsible for occasional loafing, staying fat no matter how much you work out, and make random insulting comments which you later retract. It requires building a strong relationship with your chair via your ass. Additionally, this position requires the herding of personnel into small office confines where you will slander your boss. It will require focus on making sure the personnel have no idea how good/bad they are doing until you decide to drop it on them like so much TNT.

Daily tasks and responsibilities

• Responsible for hiring, evaluating, teaching and developing staff. Just Kidding.
• Facilitating communications that only make sense when heard in a parallel universe using a OUJI board.
• Ensuring that Steve's hair is well lubed at all time and is not a clear and present fire risk.
• Ensuring user requests are reviewed, looked over and then laughed at.
• Maintaining the tightest wallet since George Bush walked through a ghetto.
• Facilitating communication and coordination of both slacking and loafing.
• Ensuring all software changes made cannot be comprehended the same way by two different parties.
• Maintaining functional area enhancement and project list. We swiped this one from another posting - it sounded good.
• Making sure Ralph Machio stays MUCHO MACHO.
• Providing performance feedback on a continual basis, this shall be done using a large stick with a nail in it.
• Participating in all assigned I.S. projects which would include JAM sessions, helping Steve get his groove on, etc.
• Producing status reports that read like Chinese caligraphy.
• Providing 24 x 7 pager coverage, and keeping up a link to our global positioning network so we can find you always.
• Occasional travel may be required. You'll be lucky if you leave Issaquah for anything.
• Occasional off-hours work may be required. Like getting your fat ass a Krispy Kreme.

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