By Matt Eckert

ARNOLD PLEBUS PART THREE: The last tired episode

When we last saw our hero, he was plummeting from a large embankment. But, due to popular belief that the last episode was too "silly" we will continue with the story even sillier with Plebus confronting Billy Crystal's hairy ball sac, somewhere in Kent, Wa.

"That's funny, Billy Crystal's Hairy Ball Sack, I dreamed I was being silly in a car chase and went over a ravine..."

"No, that's not silly, Plebus. Where are we?"

"I think we're in Kent, Washington."

"Ah, yes, Kent, Washington. Well, I'm going to leave now, seeing as the only point of me being in this scene is to make light of a walking, talking, hairy Billy Crystal's ball sack."

"Good bye, Billy Crystal's Ball Sack, I'll miss you! One day we'll make it, I know it."

"Sure we will, Plebus, sure we will."

Later that day...

"Yes, I would like an application for employment."

"Um, for what?" The woman holding the screen door open struggled to keep a small dog inside the house. In the background Arnold could hear kids scampering around.

"To be in your family. You see, it's a long story that began a long time ago, and I don't have the time to go into it. But, suffice to say, I am in need of a new family."

"Is this a joke?"

"No joke, bitch, I want to be in your family and I'm gonna start right now by wanting allowance and talking back to you!"

"I'm calling the police, Spot, back in this house!" And with that the door closed and Arnold was left on the porch with his troubles.

"The trouble with people is that they just don't do what I want them to."

"And what do you want them to do?"

"I want them to do what I say!" Arnold yelled at the priest behind the partition.

"Well, you can't always have things your way. Aren't you interested in helping out others?"

"Like who? My Mom and Dad who kicked me out with only silverware and a Lexus to hang onto? What kind of crap is that?"

"Son, lower your voice and calm down, this is a place of worship."

"Shit, I thought it was a urinal. OK, goodbye."

Arnold then zipped up and left the confessionary.

Outside, Arnold spotted some kids playing in the yard of the church. "Hey, kids, whatcha playin'?"

"We're playing hide and go seek, wanna play?"

"Sure, I'll be the seeker, K?"

"Sure, Yeah!" All the kids yelled and then went off into the trees as Arnold pretended to count.

"K, I'm coming to find you now!" Arnold yelled as he walked off down the street to Taco Bell.

"Uh, yes, Mr. Rupert, you will be staying in Suite 130 with all your requested accommodations."

"Yes, in addition to the other stuff I don't really need, I would also like your finest midget with all the fixings." Arnold said as he took the priest's credit card back and shoved it in his wallet.

"I'm sure something can be arranged. Have a nice stay."

"I'm sure I will....Fucker!" With that Arnold sprinted to the elevator laughing.

On his way down the hall to the suite Arnold came upon a kindly man wearing a suit and tie walking down the other way. "Hello, kind sir, are you the custodian?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I thought you were the custodian. Where could I find the custodian?"

"I really don't know. I'm a guest at the hotel."

"Really, they invited you?"

"Umm, no, I'm staying at the hotel."

"Uh huh, likely story. C'mon, Bernard, I know it's you, are you an assassin?"

"Um, sir, I'm late for a dinner, I'm sure the staff can help-" Arnold grabbed the man and turned him around and threw him up against the wall.

"Out with it, Bernard, where's the gun?" Arnold began frisking him.

"My god! Let go of me!"

"Not until you tell me where you've hid my lucky charms!"

"Get your hand out of my pants!"

"What's this? What is this?" Arnold had found something but it wasn't a gun.

"LET GO OF MY PENIS!!!!!!" Arnold let him go, the man brushed himself off.

"Fine, I'll let you go this time, but you better get that thing circumcised."

"I beg your pardon?"

Arnold retreated to his suite where he spent the night dressing yams in Mr. Potato Head clothing.

Then he quietly died.

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