By Matt Eckert

Wearing my Monkeyspit Shirt

Recently, I took a walk around the beautiful West Seattle beach, and by chance I was wearing my official Monkeyspit t-shirt. Here's what happened:

"Hey, fuck face, where'd you get that shirt?"

I explained to the gentleman that I was a writer on the site and that they sent me the shirt free of charge.

"Really, which area do you write in?"

I then explained to the gentleman that I wrote the Levi Larrington column.

"Number one: what the fuck is a Larrington? Number two: my name is Arnold. Arnold Plebus."

At this point in time, I'll go ahead and quote myself.

"I see. You do realize it's a fictitious account of a fictitious man, correct?" Said I.

"How's this for fictitious?" And the man removed his penis from his trousers and urinated on my leg.

I then apologized to the man for any emotional damage I may have caused and he decided the proper response was to kick me in MY penis.

Holding myself as bile filled my throat and small children laughed at me, I proceeded to continue my walk only to run into Carson Daly.

"Hey, Monkeyspit man, you wanna shoot me in the face, well, here I am motherfucker."

I wish not to relate the severe beating I was procured by the biggest butt-monkey in MTV history, but I had to get stitches.

Then Subways Jared came by and...

Can we talk about something else.

How about another Plebus story?

This one day Arnold Plebus was...enjoying a West Seattle afternoon kicking me in the nuts - Yes, something else...in the news today three deer were injured when a man tried to sodomize - oh forget it.

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