By Matt Eckert

United Nations Thanksgiving Ruined by North Korea Admission

"Hey, I'm glad you could all make it. Hey, North Korea, could you pass the turkey? Oh, thanks. So, what have you been up to?"

"Not a lot."

"Really? Look, I know we haven't been getting along, but let's try and pull it together for France, k?"

"Thank you America, I really appreciate the two of you acting civil."

"No problem. Hey, North Korea, just between you and me, you're my fav out of the Axis of Evil."

"Thanks, America."

"No problem. Where are the two jackasses that wreck all these functions?"

"Well, if my English degree of intuition is any indicator, I would say they're feeding the dog from the table again."

"Listen, England, I'm getting tired of you poking fun at me and Iran all night. Sure, I can take your barbs, but small Iran cannot properly defend itself."

"What are you trying to say, Iraq? Are you saying I'm weak?"

"No, I'm just saying that I kicked your ass -"

"Gentleman, please, we're all a part of this happy family, can you just try to behave yourselves?"

"Yes, France."

"Yes, France."

"Good. So, where's Canada? I need to talk to that old bastard about those language classes I was going to tutor him in this coming year."

"Canada is out back with the dog. I guess he's still a little annoyed after America bombed their men...well, and all the jokes and stuff."

"Iraq, quit trying to get them in a fight again. Belgium, could you pass the candied yams? Perfect, now we're here for America, whether we like them or not."

"Hey, bite me, France!"

"Um, I am French."

"Yeah, I know. So, North Korea, what else is new?"

"Listen, I have something to tell you all. Could Hungary go get Canada from out back?"

"Sure, I'll grab him."

"Actually, maybe you should stay seated, America. Oh, wait, there he is."

"Eh, what's going on, eh? What's this all aboot?"

"Well, North Korea says he has something to tell us."

"Eh?"

"Look, America, Britain....I'm....nuclear ready."

"What? Is this a joke?"

"Oh, my god, how could you?"

"Hey, I have every right to choose whatever lifestyle I want, and I am nuclear."

"Oh, Jesus, nuclear?"

"Hey, let the kid be whatever he wants, I don't have a problem with it."

"France, stay out of this, North Korea, get out of my house right this minute."

"Why? Just because I choose to lead a nuclear lifestyle I'm no longer part of the family?"

"That's right!"

"America, please, don't."

"Canada, stay out of it. I'm going out back to get drunk, where's the Wild Turkey."

America storms out.

"Christ, what's up his ass?"

"Oh, shut up Iraq."

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