By Matt Eckert

Sleeping with tigers... and a giraffe

"Doctor, the vessel is ready."

"Yes, Mr. Hallen, it is."

"So, are you going to tell me exactly what we're up to?"

"Oh, some magnificent beast of a project."

"Uh...yeah, would you know what that might be?"

"Not exactly, no."

"K, so, then what do you hope to accomplish?"

"Many things, my boy, many, many things. Namely, the pursuit of truth; science, my boy."

"Great."

"K, now I want you to take that hamster DNA and extract it from the dish."

"K."

"Now, we are going to turn on the electricity and see what happens."

"Doctor, it's not doing anything."

"Right. K, ummmm.....k, now I want you to take that gerbil and insert it into the beaker to your left."

"Sir?"

"Just do as I say."

"But, sir, the beaker isn't big enough."

"Don't question me boy."

"The beaker broke, sir."

"Yes...yes, it did...ummmmm...do you have any food on you?"

"Uh...yeah, I have a Mars bar."

"K, let me see it."

"K."

"Yes, we are going to mix this with the crab DNA and see what we come up with."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Kinda milky."

"Of course it is!"

"Doctor, are you just randomly mixing things together with the hopes of coming up with something?"

"On the contrary, dear boy, I'm randomly mixing things together to come up with something."

"Ummm...didn't I just-"

"Stammer?"

"But...I...just...mean..."

"Stammer?"

"Quit...doing...that...you..."

"Anywho, what's next?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, grab me that eye of newt."

"Doctor, this is just getting ridiculous now."

"GRAB IT!"

"K."

"Now, get me that fly collagen, and the forceps."

"Fly collagen? What do you know...There you go."

"K, now give me some postage."

"What?"

"A STAMP! A STAMP, DAMN YOU!"

"Oh, yes, of course."

"And an envelope."

"Uh...have to go down the hall."

"Thank you."

"What are you doing with all this?"

"Sending it along with my alimony check."

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