By Matt Eckert

Address to the American People

George Bush:
My fellow Americans, today is a shining point of light in the history of these Untied States. Today, we have acquired a very special member to our Armed Forces.

My fellow Americans, I introduce to you Voltron.

(Pause for applause)

Voltron will be our very first American soldier to be composed of five mechanical lions and will be America's first defense on terrorism. And let me tell you, when those lions get it together and form the body known as Voltron, we're going to roll all over the Axis of Evil, which I've decided to amend the additions of China and France. But, don't take my word for Voltron's AWESOME strength, let me pause and we'll hear from the man himself via satellite from my ranch in Texas where he is meeting with Secretary of State Colon Powel.

Voltron:
Fellow Americans, I am Voltron!

(Pause for applause)

I am here to give our nation the best five pronged-lion defense known to man. I am new to this Earth, maybe you've read about me in your comic-type books. Let me just get a few things straight, I am not an action figure, a hero, or a dream; I am Voltron, a large robot made out of five mechanical lions! And I'm gay.

(Camera cuts to a shot of the Texas desert)
(Bush comes back into shot with a looked of horrified shock)

Bush:
What the? Did he just say he was gay? Happy gay?

(cuts to Voltron)

Voltron:
No, not happy gay, but Elton John, Rock Hudson gay. No one asked, but I better go ahead and say it.

(Cuts to Colin Powell)

Powell (shaggy voice):
Huh?

Bush:
My fellow Americans, Voltron is very tired from his trip from outer space, we must understand that he has yet to master the English tongue-

Voltron:
I have mastered the English tongue as well as all other Earthling languages and let me tell you I'm extremely gay, I've been thinking about young men in showers all through this interview.

Powell:
But, Voltron, you're a machine?

Voltron:
A man-love machine.

Bush:
Christ. That's it, call Gore I'm outta here.

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