Rant-Man's Notebook

By Jim "Rant-Man" MacQuarrie

2005 Geek Movies, part 2

Superman Returns: I get to take a pass on this one for now; it won't be out for another year or so. Based on the earliest rumors and scuttlebut, Bryan (X-Men) Singer is going to have work to get me on board. He had the good sense once again to cast a virtual unknown in the lead role, and you can't do better than Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor (Spacey holds the trademark on slimy, arrogant SOBs), but from there we get into sketchy territory. His Lois Lane has the exact opposite problem of the Fantastic Four's Sue; she's well-known as a blonde, so why leave the audience spending the first ten minutes after she comes on screen debating whether she looks good as a brunette? If they leave her a blonde, there will be plenty of screaming about the fact that Lois has ALWAYS been a brunette. Either way, it's a no-win for the movie. Plotwise, the movie appears to be a quasi-sequel to Superman II. It's six years after the end of that film (made in 1979), and Superman has been missing after being maligned for the destruction caused by Kryptonian super-villains General Zod, Non and Ursa (yes, I knew those names off the top of my head without looking them up; pity me). Apparently they are pretending Superman III and IV never happened, a wise choice. Something bad causes Supes to come out of retirement and then the movie is on. Now you know as much as I do. At the moment, my excitement level for this movie is best described as "enh." The next several months will greatly affect that.

War of the Worlds: Well, the trailer gets at least one thing right. The narration is word-for-word (except for the date change) from the H.G. Wells novel's first page, and a more menacing opening you will not find. I'm a little wary of this film for two reasons: Cruise and Spielberg. Tom Cruise used to be a brilliant actor before he became a movie star (see "Taps"), and every so often he decides to remind us of that fact (see "Far and Away"). My fear is that he's in "Top Gun/Mission: Impossible/Generic Action Star" mode here, which would be unfortunate, since (if they're even remotely following the plot of the book, and there's no reason they shouldn't) his character is driven by emotion, fighting against the martians to find the woman he loves. Tom Cruise's steel-jawed "hero" persona is devoid of emotion, so this could be a pointless endeavor. Perversely enough, I fear Speilberg's involvement for precisely the opposite reason; his works of late have been so emotionally manipulative (at the expense of logic, character, plot...) that they are nearly unbearable. I spent most of "The Terminal" talking to the screen, muttering things like "why aren't they arresting him?" and "doesn't anybody actually work in this airport?" He could seriously ruin The War of the Worlds, especially when he has a heartstring-tugging puppet like little doe-eyed Dakota Fanning at his disposal. It looks good, and it might not suck. I'm cautiously optimistic, but not very.

Star Wars Chapter 3: Revenge of the Sith.... Once again, enh. George Lucas has, as the test pilots in The Right Stuff said, screwed the pooch. The mess he made of Episodes 1 and 2, combined with his tinkering with the first three (Star Wars is to Lucas as a nose is to Michael Jackson) has left me all but hostile to the next one. I'll see it, but not eagerly. My days of waiting in line to see Star Wars on opening day are long over. I'm anticipating this movie the way one anticipates a visit from that aunt who smells funny, pinches your cheek and tells embarrassing stories about your childhood. You only put up with her out of obligation and the memory of having once liked her. That's me and Star Wars.

A Sound of Thunder: I'm wary. The source material is a very short story by Ray Bradbury (you could read it in a single visit to the john), so I'm concerned about what they came up with to pad it to two hours. It would make a good "Twilight Zone" episode, but you're not going to get past a half-hour on what's in the story. From the trailer, it looks like they do in fact get to the end of the story in the first ten minutes, and in fact they show the end of the story in the trailer, then go on to tell a new time-travel story extrapolated from the stuff Bradbury left hanging. I hope they asked his advice on that. There are certain people who don't need improving; Shakespeare, Hemingway, Steinbeck and Bradbury among them.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Okay, I'm stoked about this one. Alan Rickman as the voice of Marvin, the chronically depressed android? I'm there. I wouldn't have picked Mos Def for the part of Ford Prefect, but once he was mentioned, it makes perfect sense. Likewise Zoey Daschanel as Trillian. This story as actually really hard to screw up; it's been told as a radio show, TV series, stage play, series of books, comic books, and a video game. All that's necessary to do it right is to trust Douglas Adams' instincts and don't try to rewrite him. Take what's on the page and shove it in the camera and it will work, even with the worst special effects known to man (see the TV show for proof). So far it looks like they've done precisely that.

That's it, a selection of geek movies for 2005. I'm sure there are others. Rumor has it there's a remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" in the works, and then there's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (I trust Johnny Depp, do not trust Tim Burton, and once again, I'm a little wary).

Next week, we'll get back to random snarkiness.

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