Rant-Man's Notebook

By Jim "Rant-Man" MacQuarrie

Fool Me Once...

So this week was April Fool's Day. We played a prank here; we pretended we had sold Monkey Spit to Louis Bright-Raven's Constellation Studios. That was something of an inside joke, so if you didn't appreciate it, I understand. But we'll get to that.

April Fool's Day is nearly a religious observance for me, along with Halloween, Saint Patrick's Day and Harry Chapin's birthday. These are days of obligation when certain things must be done. The yanking of chains is an ancient and honored tradition, and if I let the day pass without puting one over on somebody I consider it a total waste. One of my mottos is "other people's minds are your playground." That's what other people are for, as long as you don't do any permanent damage.

If you ever frequent Usenet (remember Usenet? It used to be the Internet), check out alt.shenanigans, one of the finest newsgroups around. They come up with some great ideas there. That's where I first heard about the Cacaphony Society. I believe they were the ones who switched the voice-boxes on a bunch of Talking Barbie and G.I. Joe toys, then slipped them back on the shelves just in time for Christmas. Come Christmas morning, dozens of little girls found themselves with Barbie dolls that screamed "DIE, COBRA SCUM!" while their brothers were stuck with G.I. Joes that said things like "Let's go shopping!" In another great gag, which you can also find at alt.shenanigans, the Cacaphonists bought a bunch of teddy bears, removed the stuffing, filled them with concrete, then put them back on the shelves. Here, read it yourself.

Another great prank that I truly loved was the 1984 Los Angeles Nihilist Olympics. I can only sit here in envy. The Bonsai Cow is nothing by comparison. I wish I could come up with something as great as that.

But anyway, I've come to believe that practical jokes, pranks and hoaxes serve an important societal function. They build up emotional callouses that protect you from being hurt. This was driven home on Tuesday, when I saw some people overreact to an April Fool's joke. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to to say that some of the people who were had by it reacted very badly, with much emotional turmoil and histrionics. They felt betrayed by this prank, and wondered how they could ever trust these people again after they were so hurt by them.

As if they'd never heard of April Fool's Day and never in a million years expected anyone to pull anything on them. Despite the fact that one of the pranksters is notorious for doing exactly that on a regular basis. So I got to thinking about why they got this reaction, and what it could mean.

I think it's an example of our overprotective mindset for the last 25 years or so. We're all so in touch with our feelings and sensitive that we're paralyzed by our emotions. That's also why we're in a tizzy over this war. If the boys at Normandy had our emotional strength, we'd all be speaking German now.

What are these people going to do when they have a real betrayal or crushing emotional crisis to deal with? It's just sad.

It's time for some insensitivity training if you ask me. Time to revel in cruel humor and jokes at other people's expense. Time to mock and ridicule. Time to stop being so bloody sensitive. Time to develop a thicker skin and learn to cope with life. Where is Don Rickles when we need him?

Now, about that joke we played. You can see it here if you're interested. Long and short of it, we changed the name of the site from Monkey Spit to The Monkey's Pit, and we said we had sold the site because we were being sued by DC comics because of our comic, "The Fourth Wall." The kicker was that we were selling it to Louis Bright-Raven. Louis is a regular visitor to the same message boards that I frequent, and he has been in his share of arguments. He is not, as he puts it, "Mr. Popularity," having been a participant in some pretty spectacular flame wars. Making him the new owner of Monkey Spit was a way to tweak his critics and our readers at the same time, and he was gracious enough to play along and mock his reputation. It was a fun little project. We hope you enjoyed it. We also hope you didn't feel betrayed by it. Wouldn't want that.

Next year I'm going to fake my death. You've been warned.

Rant-Man's Archives

Send this article to a friend!

Discuss this on the Rant-Man's Notebook Message Board

E-mail Rant-Man.

All rights not expressly granted to others are reserved to Monkey Spit. This product is made by hand. As such, certain irregularities may occur. These irregularities do not in any way diminish the product, and are in fact desirable as evidence of the handmade nature of the product. This product is meant for educational purposes only. No other warranty expressed or implied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Not valid in Minnesota, Vermont, Louisiana or Delaware. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. Subject to change without notice. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. We are also not responsible for the current political situation, daytime television talk shows, the heartbreak of psoriasis or that Urkel kid. As a matter of fact, we are not responsible for much; we¹re pretty irresponsible any way you look at it...but we¹re cheerful, so people put up with us. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles, but an incredible simulation. Don¹t try this at home; these are trained professionals. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Falling rock. Kilroy was here. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Out to lunch. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typographical errors. No returns unless defective. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Some equipment shown is optional. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Under penalty of law, this tag not to be removed except by consumer. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No dogs or actors allowed. First pull up, then pull down. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Your mileage may vary. This supersedes all previous and subsequent notices unless indicated otherwise. All rights reserved.