Rant-Man's Notebook

By Jim "Rant-Man" MacQuarrie

Getting Political

Wanna hear something nuts? Somebody thinks I should run for President. As in, President of the United States. Yeah, me. Go figure.

Granted, I do meet the minimum standards set by the Constitution (over 35, born in the US, and a resident of the country for at least 14 years), but so does Weird Al Yankovic, and I don't think I'm a more viable candidate than he is.

Here's how it happened: There was a conversation on my favorite message forum with the topic " who do you want to run on the Republican ticket 2008?" To which I replied:

I can't think of a single Republican I would support at the moment. When it comes down to it, my vote will really end up being determined by whether or not I hate the Democratic candidate enough to try to stop them. If Hillary is the candidate, I will vote for whoever the GOP runs, even if it's an inanimate carbon rod. Otherwise, I might go Libertarian or some other third party. I wish there was a Bull Moose candidate.

My friend Loren immediately shot back with "How about you? You're legally qualified to run. And we've already got a Bull Moose logo.

Plus, while actually getting on the ballot would be nigh-impossible, getting approved as a write-in typically isn't too tough. And we have folks from enough states here to get you status nationwide. That'd be relatively unique for a campaign with virtually no budget. It'd be a relatively geek-centric campaign I imagine (there could be an ashcan detailing your platform), but it'd be fun.

(Geek note: an "ashcan" is a cheap, disposable comic book printed for copyright or publicity purposes, usually black-and-white and frequently printed on a photocopy machine.)

Anyway, I created a logo for the Bull moose Party, since they didn't have one, having been inactive for the last nine decades or so. It looks like this:

Since I have a clue about my own aptitude, I declined the nomination:

I should never be in a position of power or responsibility over anyone or anything. Period.

My motto would be "I'm their leader; which way did they go?"

To which Loren replied:

Do the kids know this?

And because the immigrant vote is more important than ever, there's this page.

(Geek note: That second page is in Kryptonian, the language of Superman's home planet.)

Again, I declined the nomination:

Thanks, but here's the truth...

Besides which, if I ran, I'd have to host press conferences and fundraising things, and my house is a complete pigsty. We can't have people over, because I'm a slob and a packrat. How can I work the machine under these circumstances?

So no, I'm not running for President. Period. But I will encourage you to check out this organization: OpenDebates.org/ since they address a serious point: The Big Two parties have systematically eliminated any serious discussion of the issues by manipulating and controlling the debate process. The bi-partisan, corporate-sponsored Commission on Presidential Debates is a scam, a fraud, a lie. It exists for the sole purpose of keeping third parties out of the debate and off the ballot and stifling their voices. It needs to be abolished, and the sooner the better.

Do yourself a favor and listen to some candidates from the Libertarian Party, Green Party, Jesse Ventura's new Independence Party, the Reform Party, and the others. You know what you'll notice? They talk about the problems and possible solutions. They care about making the country work better. They don't care about being less evil than the other party. They don't care about opposing good ideas because it would be "bad for the party." They don't care about defending a crook or idiot because "he's one of our guys." They really don't care about defining themselves as "not them."

Here's the thing: The Democrats and Republicans are like two guys arguing at the top of their lungs about whether the capitol of Kentucky is pronounced "lewis-ville" or "louie-ville"; the Republicans go on about the evil godless "louie-ville" supporters and how they want to destroy America, while the Democrats shout about how saying "lewis-ville" is a return to the fascism of the bland 1950s and nobody wants that. Meanwhile, the third parties are saying "excuse me, but the capitol of Kentucky is pronounced 'Frankfort'."

The Big Two like to play "Good Cop/Bad Cop," just like the interrogation scenes on "NYPD Blue," and John Q. Public seems to overlook the fact that whether good or bad, they are both cops. The GOP and Dems want the same thing: more power for them and less for you.

My best advice for you is to vote for anybody but the Big Two if you can help it. Also, be sure to vote in your local school board and City Council elections; that's where most career politicians start out, and it's your best chance to kill a politician's career before it ever gets off the ground.

And if you're looking for a campaign to get behind, you can do a lot worse than this guy.

Meanwhile, if nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve. And you can't make me. Besides, I'm evil.

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