QUOTH THE RAVEN

A weekly column about the comic book industry

BY LOUIS BRIGHT-RAVEN

AND SO IT BEGINS... Version 3.0

Greetings and salutations, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the first installment of QUOTH THE RAVEN and MONKEY'S PIT. For those of you not familiar with this column's history, it has been around in various formats since 1999, most recently over at another site called Glacier Comics, but I recently pulled out of that site when certain columns were copied, altered and re-posted without my permission, and for some other circumstances not involving the owner of that site.

So, why bring the column back? Mainly because Jim MacQuarrie's RANT-MAN column is gone, and someone has to rant. Some would say it's my specialty, so here I am.

Now, I half expect the fans of MONKEY SPIT and even some of their supporters to be really put out by the changes going on here at the site. What little reputation this feathered fiend has is, well, colored with misrepresentations and at the same time, I'm not exactly caring whether or not I'm Mr. Popularity, either. I would hope that the regular audiences and advertisers for this site would show some patience in these regards, because even though I'm the new owner, I believe in what Jim MacQuarrie and Craig Kemper were doing and plan to continue in the direction they set course on.

What does this have to do with comics? Everything. There are comic strips here at MONKEY'S PIT. And there will be new ones forthcoming, if I have anything to say about it (and gee, I think I do, considering I own the damn site). Jim and Craig always wanted to create a print publication featuring these and other parody comics strips, and that's part of what we're going to do. What? You say you don't like these comics? You say you're going to send us "cease and desist" letters because we're using your characters?

Listen up, all you hotshot publishers: We don't NEED your pathetic little characters. The fact is that we've really been lazy, using these washed up decades old has-been properties because we knew that YOU were too damned good to actually consider something new. Well, we're done with you. We don't buy your current comics. (Perhaps you haven't noticed the dip in sales? What's the sales loss of 60 books a month times 12 months?) We don't read your current comics. We read and re-read the stuff you published twenty to thirty years ago. Whether that speaks frighteningly of the current industry or of us as readers is a question one would rather not have to try to answer. But it has to come to an end.

And MONKEY'S PIT will be the leader in blazing a new path in that direction.

Starting next week, in addition to our already cool as hell cartoons, we will be starting with all new comics strips, one a week, for the next four weeks. That's right, CONTENT is the name of the game, and this site is going to have plenty of it:

LARRY LIVEWIRE will be the first to come out, about the adventures of a computer programmer and his trouble making, artificially intelligent mobile PC. From computer hacking to cyber-dating, Larry Livewire will uplift you with laughter with every upload.

THAT'S DEEP will be here in two weeks, with the deep thought of the week.

THE IRONY BOARD - For you suits who need a little less starch in your collar. Coming in three weeks.

FIFTH STATION: A parody of everyone's favorite TV Theme - reality cop shows. Thrill to the wonder of watching as our intrepid officers answer the telephone and log in criminals as they are brought in to sit on the pokey. Err... we meant IN the pokey. Yeah, that's it.

We're excited for the future, and you should be also.

Thanks for being here.

Louis Bright-Raven Owner, MONKEY'S PIT

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