Rant-Man's Notebook

By Jim "Rant-Man" MacQuarrie

What Are You Looking For?

Okay, we've been at this Monkey Spit stuff for a couple of months now (since February 8), and we're starting to pick up some traffic. One reason for that is that we're finally starting to show up in the search engines, particularly Google.

So I thought I'd take a little peek in the site's log and see what people are searching for when they come to our little corner of the ether.

This month, they're searching for Britney Spears Nude. I did that cheesy joke a few weeks back, and it doubled our stats. The only thing that's been more popular than Britney Spears Nude is Chewbacca waxing his legs. That one got posted to some of the Star Wars sites, and we ended up with almost 2000 people in one day coming to see it.

Let's see how it shakes out in the search engines:

The number one search for the month of April was "britney spears nude" with the largest percentage of all our visitors looking for this. The total goes up even more when you add in searches for "britney spears gone wild" and "britney gone wild" (which would also point you to Kitties Gone Wild), "britney spears bold pictures," "nude britney spears," "britney spit," "britney spears and pita," "britney nude," nude britney," "britney spears nude via email," "britney spears nude and wild," "britney spears nude on camera," "nude britney spears comic pictures," "nude spears," "britney spears very wild nude pictures,"free britney nude picks," "britneyspearsnude," "young nude britney spears," "britney spears naughty videos clips," "la mama de britney nude," "britney monkey nude"... Sensing a theme yet? I think some people need to get a grip; this is bordering on obsession. There are a pile of similar search terms on the list. I bet she's tired of it. I wonder if she's seen my page yet?

Once we get past the formidible presence of Ms. Spears (can somebody explain her appeal? I really don't get it), what else are people coming here to find? Maybe this could help us to determine what the public wants (aside from the aformentioned Ms. Spears).... Hmmm. Seven people came looking for "sean connery nude" and four wanted "ethnic slurs." I'm sure they ended up at the "Sean Connery's Greatest Hits" page, as did the four who came looking for "whos the man now dog" and the few who came seeking "listen to sean connery" and "sean connery singing shower."

You people are just plain weird!

Speaking of weird, we had a few people pop by hoping to find some incest. (And may I say, eww!) Nonetheless, some people actually did searches for five different variations of the words mother, son, and the ever-popular "f-bomb," as my kids call it. If that's not enough for you, some folks ran very similar searches for the words dad and son. For some reason, Google decided to send them here. Needless to say, they must have been very disappointed by what they found here.

Some of the searches make no sense, and I find myself scratching my head and wondering what there could possibly be that would make us turn up as the result of looking for these phrases. Some people searched for "drinking pee" (and may I say again, eww!), "boys gone wild," "cartoons gone wild," "springbreakuncensored," "jerry Springer nude" (another eww!), "dwarf dating service," "sexy kitties," "fetish feline," "sexy young kittens," and "hi my name is hope you can be my girlfriend." Huh?

I almost feel sorry for the poor soul who was looking for "bedroom decor for teenage girls" and found us instead. Likewise the one looking for "suspended animation chamber."

But my favorite search so far has to be "questions answers life god truth love nude."

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