Clearing your conscience the surgical way since 1981.

Succeed in business!

Enter politics and WIN!

Live the life you've always wanted!

Tired of paying your taxes, treating your employees right, being nice to babies, and feeling trapped by your uncontrollable urge to be nice to old ladies?

Your prayers have been answered! Breakthroughs in laser brain surgery have given freedom to hundreds of successful, high profile people. Over the last 20 years, this proven and safe procedure has been performed exclusively at the Dr. G. Gekko Conscience Laser Center, by Dr. G. Gekko, a leading brain modification surgeon. Dr. Gekko holds numerous degrees including doctorates in micro surgery, neurology, physiology, and psychology. His list of satisfied clients has grown exponentially since the mid 1980's.

What is this miracle surgery?

Dr. Gekko, pioneering neurosurgeon and inventor of the Laser Conscience Removal procedure.

Dr. Gekko has perfected a procedure he calls Conscience Removal. Through years of study, Dr. Gekko has isolated the part of the brain that controls ethics, morals, manners and all social responsibility. One quick snip and that pesky conscience is gone forever. Pursue that career in politics! Seduce someone's spouse! Sell toxic waste to children! You could even become CEO of a multinational corporation! The world is your oyster when you never have to spend a tortured night, staring at the ceiling, wracked with guilt!

What the does surgery entail?

We begin with a thorough scan to locate the exact areas of the brain to be treated.

Conscience Removal surgery is a simple process. The brain's frontal lobes, especially the right side, regulate the higher brain functions such as social interaction, morals and ethics. Antisocial behavior is controlled by brain physiology. However, the brain's development is controlled by experiences. This means that morals and ethics are learned behaviors, which must be learned in childhood before the myelin sheath of the nerves develops in the frontal lobes. This sheath is formed over the nerve synapses that are used most frequently, and the unused synapses atrophy. Eventually, antisocial behavior becomes less a choice and more a hardwired response.

Scan results are analyzed.

If you've had the horrible misfortune of being raised by loving parents, who taught you compassionately about right and wrong, Dr. Gekko can save you! Conscience Removal surgery can free you from the constraints of your upbringing, so you can achieve the success you deserve!

A simple operation on the frontal lobes. Using microscopic techniques, we use a tiny laser to deactivate the synapses that cause you all that guilt.

What are the side effects?

Very few actually! Through the use of surgical lasers, Dr. Gekko can pinpoint the damaged areas of your brain with microscopic precision. With a 99% success rate, Conscience Removal is safer than taking a Tylenol! Minor side effects include dyslexia, mild stuttering, bladder leak, hand swelling, and slightly elevated homicidal tendencies. All of these pale in comparison to the ulcers, nights of insomnia, and unrelenting guilt you'd normally endure as you attempt to dominate the planet.

Who are some of your satisfied customers?

At the Dr. G. Gekko Conscience Laser Center, we have a large list of clients who are proud of their newfound freedom. Some of our most successful clients include Bob Guccione, Martha Stewart, Donald Trump, Rosie O'Donnell, George W. Bush (we took a little too much off the top here, but he seems okay), O.J. Simpson, and many others! See the celebrity endorsements on the right.

Are you ready to take the world by the horns? Call Dr. G. Gekko Conscience Laser Center today, where piece of mind is precious!

1-800-NO-GUILT

OUR SATISFIED CLIENTS:
Kenneth Lay
Ken, who helped found Enron in 1985 and became its CEO, has received about $200 million in salary, stock and other compensation from Enron since 1999. "I owe it all to Dr. Gekko!"
Martha Stewart
Martha has sold more than 10 million books, publishes a monthly magazine with a circulation of more than 2 million, is the host of a successful TV show, and CEO the aptly named Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. With a net worth of over $160 million, Martha is the richest self-made businesswoman in America. "Dr. Gekko's procedure gave me the gall to trample over everyone I ever met!"
Michael Douglas
Michael has been a major force as both producer and actor. He first found fame in the TV cop drama The Streets of San Francisco, then made his feature executive producing debut with One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which won five Oscars, including Best Picture. One characteristic that distinguishes Douglas from most other stars of his generation is the overt sleaziness of his screen persona. He exudes an arrogance that serves as a critique of his characters, such as the unfaithful husband in Fatal Attraction, the petty and mean-spirited husband in The War of the Roses, and the corporate raider in Wall Street. "I couldn't have played any of those roles as well without Dr. Gekko."
"After my operation, I had absolutely no compunctions about dumping my wife of 22 years and shacking up with a chick half my age. I recommend this procedure for anyone!"
This site is a fictitious work of humor. Any resemblance to any actual person or organization is entirely coincidental, or for parodic purposes and protected by U.S. federal law. All photos have been chosen for humorous purposes, and the site does not necessarily reflect the views of the people shown in them. If you have a problem with any of the content of this page, please check your sense of humor first, and if you still have a problem, send an e-mail to sotw@monkeyspit.net and we'll work it out, okay? Let's leave the lawyers out of this.

Send this page to a friend!

Part of the Monkey Spit Network!