The world is overcrowded and land is getting scarce! It seems every bit of fertile land is being overrun by golf courses and cemeteries! Do you feel guilty for enjoying your favorite sport, or picking out an eternal resting place, realizing the land could go to something much more useful? Worry no more! Come to a place that makes a great use of land above and below ground!

 

 

Heavenly Links is a combination golfer's paradise and high class cemetery. You will be teeing off between the tombstones in the world's most peaceful golf course. At Heavenly Links, you can have an enjoyable day of golf while remembering those loved ones who have passed beyond the 18th hole. Our golf course has holes that are the most unique you've ever seen! There are wondrous headstones and memorial statues that pepper the course, which make fun and challenging obstacles for your Saturday morning passion.

Heavenly Link's terrain is constantly changing because of new residents, so contact us for our most recent course layout. We have all sorts of exciting golfing extras! Beware of our world famous Van Buren Crypt sand trap! Don't forget to try out our custom Heavenly Link golf balls, complete with angel wings to give your shots that extra 150 yards into the great beyond. Heavenly Links is not depressing, it is a necropolis of golfing fun!

Heavenly Links is not just beneficial and fun for the golfers, it is a wonderful place for golf lovers to spend their eternity. Our Pro Shop has a broad selection of golf and commemorative merchandise. You can buy shirts, shoes, tees, balls, wreaths, flowers, and we have a variety of headstones to choose from. There are trained professionals ready to assist you in either endeavor you may be visiting us for. Our staff has numerous clergy who are certified golf pros. So, whether you need a little help with your slice, or you need to reserve some turf under the greens, we are here to help you in every way.

When you or your loved one has truly played their last round, and has gone to the big putting green in the sky, make Heavenly Links your teeing off point to God. You can choose your favorite location: on the green, in the rough, by the water hazard, by the sand trap, whatever you desire. Have your epitaph list your golf score! Heavenly Links truly is a golfers paradise! Plan for your future, call today to make golf reservations for this week or for eternity. Heavenly Links, where you can get a hole in one, or be the one in the hole!

Make your eternity a hole in one!

 

1-800-LST-HOLE

heavenlylinks@monkeyspit.net

 

*Ask about our special: Buy a burial plot, and get ten rounds of golf FREE!*

This site is a fictitious work of humor. Any resemblance to any actual person or organization is entirely coincidental, or for parodic purposes and protected by U.S. federal law. All photos have been chosen for humorous purposes, and the site does not necessarily reflect the views of the people shown in them. If you have a problem with any of the content of this page, please check your sense of humor first, and if you still have a problem, send an e-mail to sotw@monkeyspit.net and we'll work it out, okay? Let's leave the lawyers out of this.

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