Broken-Hearted!

My wife was sleeping with my brother while I was in prison, and now that I'm out, she left me. I need somebody to love me the way I love her and make me forget about that two-timing bitch!

Whole lotta love!

I'm a big man with big needs. Race, age, gender not important. Just brace yourself and hold still.

To Janelle

I saw U at a Springer taping where you threw the chair at me and said I was a cancer on all mankind. Since then I just can't get you out of my mind, especially that FINE caboose of yours. And I got to respect a gal with a throwing arm like that. Maybe we could get together for coffee, no hard feelings? My face healed up just fine as you can see. Answer at the box number.

Be a Princess!

Since the satellite TV is coming to us from your so-great nation I have seen many fine and eligible women on the amazing Mister Springer program. So many unhappy women! Ladies, in my native Hungary we never treat our wives like that, not even when we send them out on to the streets to beg. Let me or one of my nine brothers be your prince and take you away from your miserable double-wide trailer lives! Come and travel and become rich and famous with me and the rest of my brothers in our traveling Dwarf Circus, soon to be taking your country by storm! LTR desired, marriage a possibility, especially if our visas are turned down again.

I'm Not Gay!

Hi! Momma says I gotta meet some girls. She thinks I'm gay. I'm NOT! I don't think. Anyway, if you are a girl, maybe you could hang out with me. Come to my house and meet me and my momma! She'll fix dinner and then we can watch some TV or something. I like to watch "Antiques Roadshow" and "Sex And The City" even though Momma says all that dirty sex talk is bad for me.

Are You Man Enough?

New to the dating scene, ever since Bubba took the car and the dog and left me high and dry working graveyard shift waiting tables at the Gas 'N' Go on Route 65. But that's okay, I'm over him, I don't need him OR ANY OF YOU TWO-TIMING LYING BASTARDS, I'M DOING FINE ON MY OWN I GOT MY OWN INCOME AND MY CABLE AND I AM GETTING A NEW DOG! I DON'T NEED ANY GODDAMN PECKER-BRAINED SON OF A BITCH TO MAKE ME HAPPY! NONE OF YOU IS EVER GONNA GET THE BETTER OF ME AGAIN I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON! I BOUGHTEN ME A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT! Turn-ons: Romance, candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach.

Drag Queen Grandpa Stole My Boyfriend

....and now I'm just AWFUL lonesome. Maybe we could help each other out some.

Lonely

My boyfriend left me for his dog (it's a male). I need a man who will will put me first.

No pets.

Seeking Poet

I need a man who can speak to the loneliness in my heart and soul, someone who will be my sensual guide to the great twin mysteries of life and love. Someone who knows the nature of Art who can understand the many varied pressures Artists must endure for the sake of their Art. Someone like ...Garth Brooks.

Mom's Best Friend

My mom and I are close. Very close. We share everything, and we need a man who can take care of us. And it would be really cool If you could teach me to drive, cause I want to get my license as soon as I turn 16!

Rock On!!!

Ready for a road trip? Me and my boys are startin' a band and we're gonna be touring. We need some hot young chicks to be our groupies. Must be willing to share expen$es. Owning your own van a plus. Next stop MTV baby! Open minded and ready for adventure? This is the ad for you! P.S. unless you're not HOT. Then don't bother.

My Bed's Still Burning

My shrink says it's okay for me to date now. So, y'wanna, y'know, do it? We gotta wait for the kid to go to sleep though. God how I hate him.

Too much for you

Honey, I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get! Seeking LTR w/ TS, pre-op preferred.

Hey There Mister Trucker!

I know it gets lonely out there on the road. Let me ease your load and you can ride all night! Haha, that was a trucker joke. I love truckers, with their big rigs. Haha, that was another one! Seriously, though, I can show you things you never dreamed. Really. Let's meet. P.S. bring your truck.