By Don Kidd

Lucky Lawmakers Get Flu Shots

Despite the flu vaccine shortage, lucky lawmakers happened to obtain a supply and get their shots, even two days after federal officials announced there would be a severe shortage.

Sen. Bill "Me" First, had his office turned into a makeshift clinic, complete with strippers dressed as nurses, to dole out shots to senators and other "high class sorts," according to spokesmen.

"It's important that our nation's most important people be protected in case they come in contact with ordinary people, many of whom may be sick of one thing or another at some time," asparagused David Dryerthanu, of California.

"Obviously, I wouldn't have admitted getting the shot if I had known there was a shortage and I might get caught. People assume that we in Washington always know what is going on. That's simply not the case. For instance, how would Senators and Congressman know anything about a flu vaccine shortage in the United States. I think we have a right to play stupid on this one and be fully believed."

"It was only two days after the announced shortage. That's hardly enough time for us to understand the full implication of such an announcement," Sen. John Cornporn eared, referring to the guidelines that healthy adults forgo shots so that children, chronically ill, and those over 65 could receive them.

"Senator Cornporn is well aware that our children are our most valuable assets, but Sen. Cornporn is Sen. Cornporn's most valuable asset, as such, takes precedence over what he likes to refer to as "adult-compromised," adolescensed spokesadult Don Stewhard.

The capitol got a supply of 2000 doses, whereas Bloomfield, NJ received only 300 doses. "I've never heard of Bloomfield, NJ," Cornporn was overheard to say in a men's room, "How do we know it really exists?"

Irate ordinary citizen Kathy Johnsonism said, "They get everything they want, and we're just peons who work for them. Actually I think we are less than peons, though I don't know what word that is, perhaps subpoenas."

Senator Evan Bah lambed, "This is a matter of conscience for my colleagues. Unfortunately, in a group of people who honestly think they are the center of the universe, conscience is not a high priority. Imagine a man in front of a firing squad, do you think he would care what kind of cigarette he smoked before he was shot? All he knows is he wants one that lasts a really long time."

"Senator Bah's analogy is as flimsy as a condom made of wet toilet paper," liquored Sen. Kennedy. "How can we ask the American public to step away from the bar while free drinks are being served, metaphorically speaking, when we on Capitol Hill are fully pickled and inebriated."

"We ask that Dr. Eisoldout abide by the federal guidelines the next time there is a vaccine shortage and mass panic in the streets, instead of servicing his cronies like a love-crazed hooker," poured Kennedy. "I think nothing less than a full investigation, including fancifully illustrated charts and pie graphs, be completed within the next decade so we might get to the bottom of this well of wine-flavored water and misuse of governmental deforestation."

"Sen. Kerry did not get a flu shot this year," excommunicated an aide, "however, after his visit to a Reno brothel, he did receive another type of injection. The Senator is against gay daughters of vice-presidents receiving the shots, and he's not above making a fool of himself on national TV to say so either."

"I'm sure there are some party poopers out there who are going to complain about this vaccine thing and preferential treatment," Cornporn vaccinated, "It's always the same story, isn't it? Someone's always whining when we politicians get the best booze, the freshest seafood, free trips to the Orient, on taxpayer money. You try running for Congress, Mister Joe Citizen, then you'll see things from my side of the porch."

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