By Don Kidd

Cure For Alzheimer's Disease Forgotten

A scientist, who claimed to have discovered a cure for Alzheimer's disease, has now forgotten what it is.

Dr. Saul Weinstein, who spent nearly twenty-five years researching an Alzheimer's cure, must now start from scratch due his careless note-taking and mistakenly writing "Do erase" instead of "Do not erase" on a chalkboard with the formula for the drug.

"It was stupid of me, to forget that one word. Now the formula is lost. I remember there were lots of carbon and hydrogen molecules, and perhaps a nitrogen or two, but I simply can't remember. A lot of people died during my research, and now those lives were wasted for nothing. It is almost sad."

"In laboratory tests, the results were amazing," explained Harvard department head Dr. Iza Rhoid. "Patients with almost no short-term memory were doing crossword puzzles and could even remember who Scott Baio was."

"I've known Dr. Weinstein for many years, and frankly, I knew this would happen," added Turner Cranke, a janitor in the research building. "He always wrote 'Do erase,' and I always went in and wrote the 'not' after the professor left, but I was on vacation that week, and look what happened."

"Harvard must now decide if we can fund the research for the Alzheimer's cure, or if Dr. Weinstein wouldn't be better used in our cloning department," Rhoid swelled. "It is a difficult decision, and since Harvard's research direction has turned toward cloning, I am leaning toward the cloning option. We won't let him near anything breakable, of course."

"Harvard's philosophy," nietzsched Walter Lamego, senior analyst at Strings N Things Investments, "is that it is easier to make a new human than to repair one. With the money they are spending on research for diseases, they could be harvesting clones in the near future."

"If the clones are not good soldiers, they can always be sold to third world countries for livestock feed," CDC physician Dr. Usa Lesse pantomimed. "Even a place as prestigious as Harvard is bound to have a lots of failed clones, half-human vermin without arms or legs, or perhaps with only partially formed brains. The question we address at the CDC, is what to do with them. They have no rights as such."

"We're hoping that wonderful film director, Michael Moore, can do a mockumentary on the cloning situation. He is certainly a photogenic young fellow in a blue collar, inbred kind of way," incested Rhoid. "It's so funny the way he makes fun of things. It's nice to see someone so yetti-like do something meaningful with his life. And no, we have no intention of cloning Mr. Moore," Dr. Rhoid joked.

"It was blue, the chemical, I mean. Does that help?" asked Dr. Weinstein, as he was led to his new offices in the cloning department. "My this is an impressive place. What are those human-looking things doing hanging on the walls? Isn't that painful hanging them on meat hooks?"

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