By Don Kidd

CBS News To Produce New Reality Show

CBS (Can't Be Sure) News, in a move of splendor and pall-bearing magnificence has announced it will replace "60 Minutes" with a new reality show, "How To Help A Terrorist." The show will star recently convicted left-wing activist Lynne Stewart. The plot will pit civil rights lawyers against each other to see who can provide the most help to convicted jailed terrorists.

"We're very excited about this concept," pontificated Andrew 'Hey Ward, Come Get the Beaver,' president of CBS News, and colleague of Dan 'Rather I hadn't run that story.'

"Once I saw the dynamic champion of the downtrodden and radical killers, Lynne Stewart, on trial. I knew I just had to have her," Heyward continued. "She's a looker, too."

"The plot will show left-leaning attorneys trying to smuggle messages, most of them in Arabic with English subtitles, between jailed killers and their fellow terrorist brethren. Points will be assigned for how dangerous the plans are, and for how well they are smuggled out of the jails, or wherever the terrorists are being held. As an added twist, if the lawyers are caught, just as Lynne Steward was, then they actually have to go to prison and serve jail time, just like others who abet terrorists set on killing innocent people. In subsequent seasons, we will have the option of showing the convicted lawyers in prison where they will be able to talk about their treatment and describe their efforts to win appeals and gain their freedom."

"It's a great idea," sea serpented attorney Ron Kubyhole, who represented Oman Al-Kilya after his arrest for trying to blow up a school bus. Al-Kilya still suffers severe burns on his mouth from the attempt. "Sure, there is a tremendous danger element, but who wouldn't risk going to prison. The upside is almost unlimited."

Winners each season will be made permanent members of Osukme Bin Laden's entourage, and given their own camels and a band of jihad-inclined followers.

Stewart, speaking from outside the courtroom with 'Hey Ward, How's My Beaver,' squealed, "I hope this a wake up call to all citizens of this country. You can't lock up lawyers for conspiracy, providing material support to terrorists, defrauding the government, and making false statements. Where are my civil rights, now? Please be sure to watch my new show when it comes out."

"This is a dark day for civil liberties and civil liberties vultures in this country," Kubyhole crowed, "In the post 9/11 era, where dissidents are treated as traitors, it is perhaps no surprise that a zealous civil rights lawyer becomes a convict. Surely citizens of this country must find it refreshing to see a lawyer who isn't running down Main Street chasing an ambulance, even if they are crossing the line between zealous advocacy and criminal behavior by a lawyer, by aiding those who incite terrorism."

Stewart's dense attorney, Michael Tigger, roared, "My client is being prosecuted by the government, who are no more than politicians trying to protect the citizens of this country. But, who will speak for the despised killers intent on murdering children on our soil? Someone must do it. What if you were a murdering Egyptian sheik trying to contact your friends to arrange blowing up a funeral parlor or a day care center? Who will speak for you then? Lynne Stewart would have, but now she will rot behind bars, at least until September when her new show starts. Then we'll have some fun, eh?"

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